I once asked a mentor before medical school, "When is the best time to have children as a woman in medicine?" Her answer was this: "There is no perfect time, but there are some seasons that are easier than others, such as the last year of medical school, later years of residency (depending on the residency), and fellowship."
I was 25 when I started medical school because I had done a year of volunteer work and a two-year Master's in Public Health. My husband and I got married two months before the start of med school. Talk about a lot of transitions all at once!
We had always talked about having kids, but we needed to figure out the best timing.
Then, I took my first class in medical school: embryology. It became blatantly clear that my eggs were aging right along with me and that the risk of pregnancy complications and congenital problems would increase dramatically with age.
As women in medicine, we are quickly made highly aware of our ticking biological clock. Yet, there are messages all around us to delay pregnancy until later. We are often told work should come first—before our health and families. There's a subtle message that anything that pulls us away from work is a distraction that can deter our learning and burden our colleagues. And more than anything, we want to protect our colleagues who already carry enough.
Considering all these factors, we decided to try to conceive during my third year of medical school. My daughter was born at the beginning of my fourth year when I was 28. I was fortunate to have an uncomplicated pregnancy and a healthy child. If I had waited until training was done, I would've been 35, in the category of "advanced maternal age." There's no way to know if I would've faced infertility or pregnancy complications at that time, but the data is clear: the chances of those things would've been higher.
Being a mom and medical student (then resident, then fellow) certainly wasn't easy. There were days in my early pregnancy as a third-year student when I had significant nausea and had to step away from rounds. My team on the liver wards found out I was pregnant much sooner than I had planned when I stopped outside a patient's room with a sign on the door reading, Cytomegalovirus infection—NO PREGNANT CAREGIVERS.
I was lucky to be given respect and kindness by the doctors in almost all cases, with the exception of one surgical resident.
I took my USMLE Step 2 exams when I was seven months pregnant. I completed my surgical rotations between months 6 and 8, and the female attending surgeons supported me in many ways and told me stories of their own pregnancies. I was met with professionalism and support when I did my sub-internship from 8 to 9 months of my pregnancy.
When I gave birth to my daughter, I used up the vacation time I had saved and took advantage of multiple online elective courses. In all, I was able to stay at home with my daughter for eight months during my fourth year of school, and I graduated on time. I started my intern year when she was 11 months old.
Becoming a parent in medical training isn't easy, but it's possible. We can still have successful and meaningful careers even if we have children during our education.
The absolute key is having a supportive, understanding partner who can provide love and care during more rigorous stretches of your training. My husband was willing to serve in this role, which made it possible for our family to raise a child during residency and fellowship. Without this, the path would've been nearly impossible.
No matter what others may say, make the right choices for you and your family. We need more representation of parents in training and more support.
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